Queen’s Diary – IONAZ December 2001

Wow, we’ve just survived the biggest gathering of the year, and we are about to go into it’s only real rival. We’ve made it through Thanksgiving, with the family, the turkeys, and that big cooked bird. And, if you are anything like me, you’ve had way more than your share of desserts.

So what’s a healthy queen to do? Oh, don’t start about the diet, it’s going to happen in January, same as the breeders. We have New Year’s Resolutions to make, keep for a while and then blow by January 8th.

Which really brings me to my point, and I do have one. Why bother with making the resolutions at all if you are specifically going to blow them by events that happen throughout the year? All it takes is a birthday, bar mitzvah or Friday night. Why not suck it up and realize that by the end of the year, you will have hit at least one party, been thoroughly blitzed and had way too much of some sort of dessert? It happens, we should embrace it.

Besides, I blow my resolution by the 8th because it’s my birthday. This year I will be 29, and I intend to party hard since next year I expect to get a hearing aid and a cane from my friends.

So I have a new type of New Years Resolution – the realistic kind. I, Kevin Michael Hamm, hereby Resolve in the New Year to party like a rock star when I choose to, to have sex as I want to, to drink to excess if I deem necessary and to go to the gym only if it feels right. Further, I resolve to absolve my friends of their foolish need to join in my resolution and merely ask that we look to ourselves for our own guidance. I don’t think I can blow that! I never thought I’d write those words…

There is one more unfortunate part of my birthday, I share the date with Elvis.

How many times do I have to explain this to you freaks? The King is dead – LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!