New Number, Old Stupid

Friday, March 25th, at around 7 pm, I got in touch with AT&T about changing my Sacramento number to a Helena number, which seemed to go very smoothly, and lo and behold, I had a new local number so that I no longer appeared to be an outsider trying to steal business from the locals. (Yes, I got that question a lot.)

Everything was fine until a friend texted me and informed me that my number was disconnected. I replied with yes, of course, it’s now this new one you’re using to text me. I was a bit kerfuffled about that text, but whatever, some of my friends are weird.

“No asshole, I’m trying to call you on this number, and it’s saying you’re disconnected,” was the next text message I got, so I called and chatted with my friend and my initial confusion was cleared.

Apparently Verizon cell phones are not being routed to me correctly when they call me. They are fine to text me, but not call me. So I gave it the weekend, and called AT&T on Monday and opened a case.

Case CM20110328_19075501 was opened, with a close date and time of “Morning on March 31, 2011” which isn’t great, but also isn’t too much of an issue. Time passes and I thought things would be ok.

Thursday morning I get a call from one of my friend’s who is on Verizon and it works, so I think I’m in the clear. Until I remember that he’s in Denver, and so his routing would be thru different lines to reach me, so I contact another Verizon using friend of mine, and bammo, still not working.

So I call AT&T back. I’m on hold and working through issues for over 30 minutes when I get a text message from AT&T saying my ticket is still open and would now not be solved until April 14, 2011.

Yeah, no. Fuck you.

I happen to have been on hold with the support guy when this happened, so I waited for him, calmly, to return to the line, and when he did I opened with, “Guess what I just got!” in my best, excited-six-year-old-getting-the-bestest-toy-ever voice.

“Your friend was able to call you?” He asked, excitedly. You could almost hear the happiness in his soul as he burst out with that.

“Nope. I got a text from y’all saying my ticket is open and you’re going to need another two weeks to fix it.” I used the nicest voice I could find, but I know damn well at that point I crushed that last little bit of his soul into a fine white powder that his manager’s manager probably snorted later that evening.

He then checked the ticket and sure enough it had been updated while it was open with him (someone would think their system would have alerted him to this fact, but apparently not) and other than the note that it would take another two weeks, nothing was there.

So he contacted his supervisor and handed me off, as I asked him to because, really, what the hell. What kind of company pulls this shit? Oh, right, AT&T. This is just amazing.

So I’ve now got a new ticket, that’s been escalated to “Executive Support” or some crap, but really, that’s the “placate the assholes” team, and like good kids, one of them called and tried to tell me that I knew nothing and everything I had been through meant nothing, but they were for sure going to do everything they can. I ripped into him, too, for being a dick, and for most especially telling me I had to open a ticket with Verizon.

Hey, fucktard, I’m not a Verizon customer, I’m an AT&T customer, and I’d like for you to actually do your fucking job, you ignorant twat! You have a problem with Verizon’s routing tables not connecting to your phones, YOU OPEN THE TICKET WITH THEM.

I’m pretty calm until someone decides that I’m an idiot. At that point, I have to trot out all the knowledge I have an start beating them with it. Not because I always know what’s going on, but I can ask the right questions and back someone into a logical corner faster than most people, and this douche didn’t stand much of a chance. After I got him to admit that yes, it was actually signed by a person, and while he couldn’t tell me their name, he could and would be contacting them directly – which is exactly the opposite of what he’d said earlier – I figured I needed off the phone because the beer was getting warm, and why should I be punished for this?

Anyway, I still can’t get calls from Verizon cells in Montana, but everyone else seems to be able to reach me. A friend of mine has opened a ticket with Verizon already, so hopefully they will be able to resolve this, but who knows. In the mean time, if you need to call me you can always use my google voice number, which if you need it, is 916 Kev Hamm. Because I’m all cool and shit.

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