Internalized Attacks

If you are gay and see being called gay an attack, you have a problem. There’s nothing that I can do to help you, because I lack the couch and the degree necessary, but I can tell you what you’re doing – you’re projecting internalized homophobia.

There’s no nice way to say that, either. I’m not sorry, it’s the truth. Wether you’re the head of Stonewall being an internalized bigot, or the lobbyist for the Montana Human Rights Network sharing this ‘concern’ it doesn’t matter. When you see calling someone gay a pejorative attack, you set us back.

In fact, you’re saying that being gay, that being different, is wrong, and having someone call you out on being gay is a dangerous attack. And worse, you’ll conflate it with bullying.

So, before we go any further, let’s take a quick look at bullying. Bullying is when someone, the bully, says something about another, the victim, that ostracizes the victim, and paints a target on that person for others to hit with continued bitchy things. This can be calling someone a fag, or saying they’re a cocksucker, or that they’re any number of things. Chink, Spic, Nigger, Mick, Wop, Dego, whatever. Notice that list is rather odd? It’s all immutable facts about someone, re-characterized as a negative. And how do you fight bullying? It’s difficult, but it’s doable. One great way is to embrace your differences and own who you are.

In fact, that’s basically what the It Gets Better Project teaches everyone. You are having a shitty life because right now, others can’t accept, and therefore you can’t accept, that you’re ok just the way you are. Bullying only works if you let the bully win. And the big point of stopping bullying isn’t because gay kids need protection, it’s because all kids deserve protection.

But when you’re an adult, you need to do the protecting, and sometimes that’s with a shield, sometimes it’s with a sword.

I’m perfectly fine with someone calling me a fag. I’ll return the compliment by calling them a breeder. Or, if they are acting like Marcus Bachmann, I’ll call them a fag, too. I see no problem with either “fag” or “breeder”, as both are, depending on the situation, true. If you see this as an attack, you’re the one with issues, not me.

You see, calling someone gay isn’t the problem. Attacking with words to hurt them is the problem. And that’s what bullying is, attacking with words, and it really doesn’t matter what the words are, because trust me, with the right intention, I can bully anyone and use nothing more insidious than the word “dear”.

So, now that we’re clear on what bullying is, let’s look at what Jamee and Joe think the problem is – us calling Marcus gay.

Why do we do it? Because he’s spent his life denigrating and attacking gays. He thinks we are wrong, need to be fixed, and can be healed of our homosexuality. He attacks us, certainly, and as he does it, his effeminate nature shines through like a pink beacon in the night. And that very nature has those of us with gaydar going “Wha-huh? You think it’s wrong to be gay and you’re gayer than rainbow glitter!?!” It has us confused, and we tend to then question how it is that yet another christianist bigot has the stereotypical signs of TEH GAY.

Then we point it out.

They call it an attack. I call it a welcome. I don’t see being gay as a bad thing. He’s gay. Gay. Gay gay gay gay GAY! And frankly, even if he’s never sucked a dick or taken it up the ass, his focus on all things gay makes him gay. I think he should wear it with pride.

Just like I do.