Intent and Cowardice, Part II

I’ve covered this before, but I guess I didn’t go far enough because another part of the discussion has come up. First, read this.

Got it? Great.

Here’s the other part of it. Today, @ActuallyPJH put out that he hates being called “pocket gay” and then asked if any other sections of our society got called names. Yes. Yes, we do. Some are nice, like “bear”, “daddy” and “gym bunny” and some are mean like “bear”, “daddy” and “gym bunny”.

Oh wait. There it is again. Intent is the difference between how those terms are used. And when you meet someone for the first time and they call you something you disagree with, you have the ability right then to say “Please don’t call me that.” If you’re not with a complete asshole, they’ll say something like “no harm meant” and not use it again. That doesn’t mean that the whole of society is changed and you won’t run into it again, but that one person will not use it with you. (Don’t be terribly surprised if they roll their eyes and come up with something worse, like “minifag”, because, especially we gays, are snarky bitches, and we do shit like that.)

If, however, you get called something you don’t like but that is in common use, and you freak out sideways and lose your shit, you’re doing no one any favors. You’re not going to change the world, you look like a massive twit who can’t be allowed out in public.

When someone says something that you find hurtful, you have an obligation to ask yourself two things:

  1. Was their intent to hurt me? If yes, kick them back down and get away from them. If no, ask yourself question number 2.
  2. Am I an adult (or enough of an adult) to say I dislike them, and hope they are adult enough to respect that? If yes, great, ask that they not use those terms with you. If not, perhaps head home for a nap and a cookie and a sulk.

I dislike being called a chub. In fact, I hate it. But the guys that I fancy are called “chubby chasers” and, guess what, by extension, I’m being called a chub. I dislike it. I also have better things to deal with in my day then to worry about how someone else thinks of me. At the end of the day, I’m better off by far. You probably are, too.