Comcastic Indeed

6a00d8349ecec169e200e54f58e20d8833-800wiSo let me translate this memo from Comcast COO Dave Watson:

“A Message From Dave Watson,
July 21, 2014
You probably know that there has been a fair amount of media attention about a recording of a phone call between one of our Customer Account Executives (CAEs) and a Comcast customer. The call went viral on social media and generated news headlines. We have apologized to the customer privately and publicly on Comcast Voices, making it clear that we are embarrassed by the tone of the call and the lack of sensitivity to the customer’s desire to discontinue service.”

Fuck, we got caught, and we are doing damage control in every way (we control).

I’d like to give you my thoughts on the situation.

Let me continue to shovel shit.

“First, let me say that while I regret that this incident occurred, …”

Fucking hell…

“…the experience that this customer had is not representative of the good work that our employees are doing. We have tens of thousands of incredibly talented and passionate people interacting with our customers every day, who are respectful, courteous and resourceful.”

…but thankfully, most of our calls are only recorded by us.
“That said, it was painful to listen to this call, and I am not surprised that we have been criticized for it.”

 

This was nothing, actually. We have worse calls recorded internally.

Respecting our customers is fundamental, and we fell short in this instance.

We are dicks. Always.

I know these Retention calls are tough, and I have tremendous admiration for our Retention professionals, who make it easy for customers to choose to stay with Comcast.

We pay people to be dicks, specifically ‘not-caught-being-dicks dicks’.

We have a Retention queue because we believe in our products,…

No one understands our pricing and packaging…

and because we offer a great value when customers have the right facts to choose the package that works best for them. If a customer is not fully aware of what the product offers, we ask the Retention agent to educate the customer and work with them to find the right solution.

…and that’s on purpose. We baffle them with bullshit to get their money!

The agent on this call did a lot of what we trained him and paid him — and thousands of other Retention agents — to do. He tried to save a customer, and that’s important, but the act of saving a customer must always be handled with the utmost respect.

He fucking failed. We blame the terrorists.

This situation has caused us to reexamine how we do some things to make sure that each and every one of us — from leadership to the front line — understands the balance between selling and listening.

We’re all taking new training to listen for the click of a recording device.

And that a great sales organization always listens to the customer, first and foremost.

Legal is looking into suing the guy who recorded the call.

When the company has moments like these, we use them as an opportunity to get better, and that’s what we’re going to do.

Well, the legal department will.

We will review our training programs, we will refresh our manager on coaching for quality, and we will take a look at our incentives to ensure we are rewarding employees for the right behaviors.

We won’t get caught again!

We can, and will, do better.

We will be bigger dicks!

Thank you for your support, and many thanks to the thousands of exceptional employees all around the country who work so hard to deliver a great customer experience every day.

i.e. all you fucks who haven’t been recorded.

I am confident that together we will continue to improve the experience, one customer at a time.

Hopefully another plane will go down so we’re out of the news soon.
Dave Watson
Chief Operating Officer, Comcast Cable