Hamm On Wry

Hey, I’m trying to be interesting but between putting out a magazine and trying to edit a couple of wedding videos and some other side work, it’s hard to come up with stuff that people will want to read. Ah well, I am trying, and I promise to once again get on the ball.

One a side note: where did the phrase “on the ball” come from? I’m going to go with the absurd and say that it has to do with seals, Michael Jordan and a night he’d rather not remember. Either that or it’s yet another carpenter’s saying involving a level. Regardless, I want to know.

But back to the main point of this story: I was chatting with my mom today, as that is our normal form of communication, and she decided to rant. Basically, with all the damage that Katrina has caused, she wanted to know where the support and sympathy of other nations was. In fact, she was livid, to the point of dropping a texted f-bomb more than once, and I believe her final statement was “well, to put it bluntly… fuck ‘em!” and, honestly, if they hadn’t given sympathy, which, after all, only requires a press release, not even a televised or radio speech, then yes, mom, I agree.

I, of course, being me, thought about it for half a second then asked if she’d heard any news from anywhere other than the affected states and her local news. She hadn’t, nor had I. Not because the rest of the world stopped turning as we dealt with the weather, but because our news organizations don’t really care about what happens in the rest of the world unless Americans are somehow involved. That’s how we operate, and it’s not ever going to change, it seems. And to prove the point, I did a Google to find out if one of our usual allies, and by that I mean since 1946 or so, had offered sympathy or support of any kind. And, of course, they had. And so mom was placated, and we found out that, once again, the news leaves out important things in order to make their story “sell”.

And if their story is their soul, how much did it go for, I wonder?

I’ve been trying to keep up the posting, trying to make the blog more interesting and less of a waste of digital space and everyone’s time. I’m apparently unable to do this because it’s become social acceptable for morons to make comments that are beyond mean and stupid, and actually require me, the kind, loving, demure person that I am, to LITERALLY COUNT TO TEN. SEVERAL. TIMES!

I don’t know what these people are smoking, but get with the program. I once cleared an entire two-story office building because I was upset at my bank. Granted, they emailed me with all my personal information… all of it, including my mother’s maiden name, my birthday and my driver’s license number, as well as the usual list of personal data. So yeah, I put my impressive lungs and overactive mind to ruining the career of some poor schmuck who probably wasn’t directly involved after all, but who had made the mistake of telling me she was in charge. Poor her. And hell, Laurie, who knows and loves me, was part of the mass exodus because, to use her words, I was “freaky angry, and not just a little scary” which, I think, is a good warning to everyone else.

If I scare my best friends when I’m angry, why do fools continually try to make me mad? Is there some contest going on that I don’t know about? Regardless, patience is not my strong point, but I’ve been holding my temper. It shall not last, however, so someone is going to very soon discover just how mean I can be. I’m going to filet someone verbally, and everyone in the Greater Houston Area shall know.

My lovely friend Laurie (not to be confused with my lovely mom, Lori) sent me more pictures of her. Pictures of her and her belly. She currently swells with the future brother to the fun-loving Owen - yes, another baby boy for her family, and frankly, I don’t think that her husband is too sad about that development. (As an aside, it’s taken me nearly two hours to conjure up her hubby’s name, but it’s Andrew. God, I’m a loser sometimes.) While Laurie may be bulging in all forward directions, it’s reassuring to know that she’s still the grooviest chick I know.

Here’s a picture Laurie and Owen, on the deck of her camp, overlooking the lake.

And yes, I Photoshopped the hell out of this image, but it started out great anyway. Of course, any picture of a pregnant mom smiling tends to be amazing. Click to get the full-sized version if you want.

This picture is what my memories of Maine look like. It’s a sweet place to live, truly abandoned by modern life in so many ways, but fully connected in enough ways that it’s a special little version of paradise. I don’t know that I could live there anymore, certainly not as a single gay man, not and be happy. But man, the place was endearing in so many ways, that if I’d ever found the guy of my dreams while there, I think I could have stayed.

And you have no idea how shocked and amazed I am to think that.

Maine . Who knew?

But it’s a legit question - If you are so concerned that the Supreme Court of the United States of America should be using the ideas, ideology and morals of a foreign nation, as you said you were, why would you feel comfortable with anything that comes from Justice Scalia?

For those of you just joining us, I’ve been reading the news again, and yet again, one of my favorites, Christopher Hitchens, writes about the background maneuvering that goes on in Washington, which in this case involves Judge Roberts, the nominee to replace Sandra Day O’Connor.

You see, Roberts, like Scalia, Thomas and Kennedy are all Catholic, and in case you somehow missed this in World Culture or whatever your Social Sciences course was called in High School, the Catholic Church is also a country - with diplomats and it’s own laws. And sometimes that country does things that our country, the good ol’ U.S. of A., doesn’t approve of - like Cardinal Law. Bernard, not some new rule for those in red.

But the bigger point that I’d like to make is for my mom, who got all fired up that Kennedy used the findings of foreign nations to determine what direction the U.S. should go - not because she disagreed with the direction, which was to not administer capital punishment to juveniles, but the idea of taking a foreign idea and applying it to America is abhorrent to her. Think nature and a vacuum, and you’ve got my mom looking at Justice Kennedy.

And while that may be how she really feels - and I don’t doubt her, I just think it’s foolish - I know she didn’t think it all the way through. You see, the Catholic Church has threatened to excommunicate people who don’t legislate with Catholic ideals. I believe that is close to calling Anathema on a person, but I’m not positive on that.

Should Roberts get the post as Justice on the SCOTUS and a case involving abortion comes before him he’ll have an interesting choice - do what the Pope says and impose THE WILL OF A FOREIGN NATION on the U.S., or read the law as it’s stands. And regardless of his actions, it’s a no-win situation for him, because the moment he says anything, the press will fry him. And Scalia and Thomas will probably fry as well, especially Scalia since he got all huffy and wrote his dissenting opinion on taking the ideas of a foreign land to home were, Kennedy alone can stand and not be counted a hypocrite. What’s more, the Catholic Church has not threatened excommunication on politicians and judges and others for not removing the death penalty. We see, yet again, that the entire church can be hypocritical and hysterical in it’s inability to get it’s story figured out.

So mom, and the rest of you out there reading this, what do you think? If you don’t want the ideals, ideology and morals of another country imposed on this land, do we let Catholics on the bench? I know where I stand on this, and I’ll let my mom comment before I state it.