Hamm On Wry

I can’t say this is something I would write, because donating to a political party would require one of them to actually be worthwhile, but for those of you who think the DNC is going to make all our gay dreams come true, you might want to read this:

Dear DNC

I truly “support” Democrats being elected in 2010 and 2012. I am a “fierce advocate” of the Democratic Party after all. I know that I have promised you my support over the past few decades and have done my best to follow through.

Even now I am “working towards” a financial donation to the Party. I do have to ask for your “patience” though, because as a gay man, my family and I are still second class citizens and are having to funnel our resources towards causes that protect and honor our basic civil rights. “We have a lot on our plate.”

We are “proceeding” towards lifting the denial of funds to the DNC and are “developing a strategy” that will get us there by the end of Obama’s time at the White House. As a matter of fact, my family has planned several “meetings” to discuss these very important donations and will be sending out a press release shortly to announce our “cocktail party” celebrating Democracy.

Thanks for understanding. And hang in there!

Sincerely,

Liam

(via JoeMyGod, originally from Salon)

Another stupid twat has made the news so welcome to Part II of Douchebag-o-rama.

It seems that Perez Hilton called someone a ‘faggot’ and that someone, or someone nearby, responded by punching him in the face. This was at the MuchMusic Award show, sometime after the broadcast, and if anyone is finding his behavior surprising, you’ve been living under a rock.

Oh, but it gets better. You see, then PH decided that he was the victim. Never mind that PH opened fire, chose his words (by his own admission, which you can read via his doucebagged twitter stream) to inflict the maximum hurt on his target.

Then, in an act which I can only describe as delicious, delightful and oh-so-deserving, someone punched the douchebag. Right in his face. Only once, which is terribly sad, but it’s better than nothing.

Some of you out there think physical violence is never the answer. That’s fine. You’re wrong, but that’s fine. Defending yourself from an attack is a perfectly natural thing to do, and in fact, has been codified into law in most of the world.

I would point out the nursery rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is a fucking lie. Just like “happily ever after” and “fierce advocate” are lies. Words matter. Words have power over thinking, as they are root tools to express thoughts. Words are how we connect with one another. Words, more than anything else in the world, matter. And they can and do hurt. And a violent act begets a violent act.

So when some douchebag who doesn’t like being left out (where he should be) fires off an attack at someone else, it’s a call to arms. A challenge to a duel, and apparently PH never watched Bugs Bunny. So, PH, here’s how it works: if you slap someone with the ‘faggot’ label, don’t be surprise when they pick up a glove, fill it with fist, and smack you back. You’re the douchebag who brought a knife to a gunfight. You lost. **cry**

Now if you could just crawl under a rock and go away, life would be much happier.

I’m all about flying off the handle and losing my shit at stupid people, and frankly, when they get hit by flying poo, they tend to notice and either shape up or ship out. That’s my M.O. and it’s not going to change. That being said, here’s a high-flying homo who, in most situations, I admire, but today, I feel the need to smack with a flaming bag-o-douche.

As you can read Max Mutchnick has a problem with the edgier queens. You know, the ones who fall into a group that couldn’t ever be confused with the Uptight Citizens of Connecticut. Well, you know what Max? FUCK YOU.

I say this in no uncertain terms because Max, you had, for what, SEVEN YEARS, a vehicle to transform how gays were seen by the general populace. You produced Will & Grace, which, I will tell you, was a favorite of mine for about 3.5 of those 7 years. Then I got over it. Why? Because you did the same fucking thing that you’re complaining about now.

Who had relationships? The straight girl, Grace, and the flamboyant queen, Jack. What did Will have? Lots of time practicing as the sidekick to everyone else’s relationship problems. And we mustn’t forget Karen, who had relationships with Stan, booze, pills, money, and a woman. But did she have a long-term fling or just a kiss? Oh, that’s right, just a kiss. And a flashback.

It was season 4 before two males had an on-screen kiss, and that was Jack & Will as a protest, a hoax, a joke, a whiny moment of crying because NBC had cut something out of a show and the two were hurt. It wasn’t a real-(even though it’s fiction)-love-affair-kiss. Come to think of it, did Will ever get a real love affair? Oh, that’s right, season 7 was it? When everyone I know had stopped watching and it was safe? And did they ever kiss? I didn’t see it, I don’t know. That’s how much of an impact it had on the world because the show had already used up it’s capital in the wasteful ways of wickedly timid.

Look, Max, I know it’s hard to feel like you’re part of a community that ranges on the male side from twinks to bears to chubs; from lamé to leather to Louis Vuitton, and that’s not even a tenth of what we are. And then there are lesbians, and trans, and questioning, and all the other fucking colors of the fucking rainbow that you don’t fucking like. Well, again, FUCK YOU.

HGTV and DIY Network have done more to advance gays in the mainstream than you ever dreamed. How’s that feel?

You had your chance. You fucking blew it. So shut it – until you decide you’re going to make a new show and have real gay characters and real gay situations and really push to show the other colors of our very dynamic, pulsing, interesting and yes, sometimes frustrating rainbow. But until then, again, FUCK YOU.

Look, I’m barely a font nerd. I love typography but generally suck at it. It’s kinda like my design skills. I can recognize good stuff, but making it myself is a whole other ball of wax. However, I love pretty things. Like this font:

Adios by Umbrella

So, if anyone is feeling like they have an extra benjamin laying about, by all means, buy away!